Green Card – A short story long


In 2016 my wife and I decided enough is enough and fled the UK We did so with an embarrassment of funds.
In fact all we had was 3 months rent paid and 3k, 1.5k of which had to be used on a visa application
On top of that , we arrived with no jobs and ONLY my Wife could legally work for the first 5 months.

Not one immigration forum or lawyer ( some of which wanted over 10k) thought I would get a green card, due to a light police charge with a serious drug, in the 90s.


Basically, the stack was stacked against us .
Thus, I worked illegally and came up with a plan based on delay.
The trouble with this was I couldn’t leave the country and employers didn’t want to risk employing someone who’s visa needed to be reviewed each year .

This was fine for the first few years, I was living (at last) under a Hockney blue Californian sky, why go anywhere else?
However, after 4 years being on house arrest, even if the house is the whole of the USA , I needed to force immigration’s hand and so I did and they replied by denying my visa (Prats!)

Even though the denial was part of the plan, by this time I was pandemic tied, worn out and depressed, basically I thought “ Sod this”…

Suddenly comes the sound of trumpets and from stage left in flies Cross Reference Krissy (my Wife) ….
Krissy, who until this point hadn’t had anything to do with the visa application, beyond signing a few forms,.took over.
Amazingly, she managed to find a lawyer for FREE who agreed with my legal assertion and agreed to represent me.
Mainly the lawyer (and Krissy) did this by taking my files and said legal assertion and stripping my statements of an air of a pompous, mental patient and putting it all in a more professional legal setting

Only 4 months after having my application denied, an email arrived stating they had changed their mind and they are granting me a Green Card

And so it was… When my Wife and I decided enough is enough, tc🙄🙄🙄ime to give America a go.😪There’s been a speeding disaster so we’ll go 🔙cqqqf🔙 theqf motorway🤤

At last I feel free…
Wwwhhooopppiiie

The Talking Gardens Of The USA

Americans and their garden signage are a curious thing..

You walk past these talking houses and you see placards telling you “Black lives matter” , ” Gay rights ” , ” Trans rights”
“Equality for women” …” I’m with jesus ”
and , for the goths ” I worship the devil ” ( this one is helpful as you know off the (flying) bat ..That lot are gonna be possibly over weight and certainly somewhat braindead )…. You get Xmas decor , Halloween decor , “Welcome to spring ” and ” I love Autumn ” bows.

You get the persons voting preference and pop culture choices as garage stickers …Their gate fittings,at times, tell you about their pets and they leave books to browse, borrow or keep ..They even leave take away philosophy quotes and homemade poems

In short the American garden is a social media post before social media was invented

 

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The Bridge to Magnolia

Yesterday, I had to brave the elements to go to the post office.
It was due to an ebay item I was meant to post. I had been putting this off, thinking I don’t want to risk my life for a mere $30 ..However, although the buyer was very nice about the situation, I did think 4 weeks is long enough and I didn’t want to smear my 100% ebay rating…

So, I set off to the Post Office in wealthy , healthy Magnolia.
As its a Peninsula, to get there I had to walk over a Bridge..
As I was doing this, I kept thinking a hateful village sherif was going to pull over with cruel sirens and angry tires to hassle me and ask me to turn back from the cozy village back to the wilderness of Upper Queen Anne. Just like what happened to John Rambo in First Blood- dear reader, I should stop to point out, before my wife tells me off, Upper Queen Anne, is actually rather upper middle class, thankyouverymuch.

Anyway, there was no sherif about to drive me out of town and put me in jail if I tried to return- this was lucky as I wasn’t a vietnam vet, so I probably wouldn’t have been able to escape like John Rambo did … That said I had watched Tenko a few times, so who knows

Once I got to Magnolia, I discovered the Post Office queuing system meant you had to wait until someone comes out of the Post Office, until you could go in…. The trouble is one gets bored so you read a book or go on your phone.. This means you can miss when sone one walks out.. Which I did yesterday..
The women behind me shouted “GO ON, YOUR TURN”
So, I said “Bloody Nora, keep your wig on”… Which in England can be amusing, in a retro saying kind of way.. However, it didn’t translate in America and I thought she may call the police.
The end

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Billy Ray

It’s been an odd few weeks in Seattle, it seems I moved into the American epicenter of the Coronavirus pandemic – some guys have all the luck.

Today, Seattle is now in utter lock down, I can’t help but feel its all a bit over the top- I have a feeling lots of people are pretending to be more anxious than they actually are, in order to get their employers to furnish them with a laptop and let them do the nine to five, at home, in their favorite pajamas

Nevertheless, the highways are hideaways , the center of town now merely caters for bags that swirl in the wind and the shop shelves hang wistful like a mausoleum afternoon

It’s even been banded about on social media, news print media, as well as on World Wide television media… That, due to the, Billy Ray, virus, we should no longer partake in the age old custom of “shaking hands”.. Even though the custom has been around since medieval times.. Surviving civil unrest, wars, the great plague and the career of Bonnie Langford.
I think it would be a shame if the custom died out, if only through fear of it being replaced by the French habit “Faire la bise” or social hugs – I’m all for hugging a loved one, but have always failed to divine why ANYONE would want to hug a stranger.

I remember around 1981,
The council estate I grew up on had a number of people in rattle vans that they would plod around and push their product from .. There was a mobile library , a sweet van, a fish van (P U K E), a chip van and also a couple of soda pop pushers, who would sell their one liter delights, come pink skinned summer.
Whats curious to me in 2020 is the name of the pop being pushed was Corna.
Could it be, it was these sunny afternoon frizz pop slingers that were the real genesis of the modern day killer?

It’s worth maybe nothing, but I will note that one of the Corna delivery boys had three nipples.
The tough and tumble kids would play football on the grass, then stop their game and say “look its three nipples”
If I was nearby, I’d run home to the safety of my bedroom. I didn’t know if his spare nipple was a symbol of something more sinister.
More than that the thought of having three nipple made me anxious .. I didn’t know what to do with the two I had.

In spite of COVID-19 I have managed to scout around Seattle and have found another area I like….Magnolia.
It’s only a mile away from where I live – basically I walk out the front door and over a bridge (see picture)


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It’s, rather, expensive there but is one of those Whistle Stop Cafe type villages-Lewes, in the UK, kind of, has that kinda feel, also.
That is, if Whistle Stop Cafe was in the Northwest and populated by lots of Catholics and Jews-I’ve come to notice, nearly, all my fave parts of the world are Catholic and/or Jewish

In Magnolia, the views are fantastic and the houses range from bungalow to Parasite style modernism.
It manages to keep alive that sense of white picket fence 50s Americana- toy town style Fire stations, garden furniture and so on.

Magnolia, Is where my wife used to own a home , which is probably worth a million now…
I try to be supportive with a “well, money isn’t everything ..You like romance and adventure ”
However, I think if I was her I’d take out legal action against certain British pop stars and authors, for bending her mind enough to give all that up.

Speaking of The Wife, she said last night (after I explained why getting up early doesn’t agree with me)
“You people from working class stock are meant to be hardy but really you are wimps, you cant cope with anything”

I advised most are hardy.. Unfortunately, her Quality Street selection was one of the softer centers.

She didn’t laugh, I also got the distinct impression she would never buy Quality Streets again.

The end

For Whom the Bellingham Tolls

EVEN though, some, natives call Thanksgiving “Turkey day” ( what charmers) I do enjoy the day .. I think its a wonderful thing to sit there and discuss what you are grateful for.

England could do with a bit of that, then it might start climbing itself out of this snide pit its become, where takers laugh as their quarry falter and fall- Even now with a very important election looming, where if the Tory party get in (again), the country will end up losing its NHS and having American companies being able to run rough shot over our legal system, some on, the so-called, left are still bitching at each other and playing the game of playground gangs. Imagine helping take votes from the one chance England has of ending Tory rule and the decimation that comes with it, just so you can get a some like me “likes” om Social Media… Pfft

For Thanksgiving Krissy and I went to her folks in Bellingham, a Disney film set where Deer and Squirrels play in gardens and Bald Eagles float the slipstream.

We took an Amtrak from Seattle to Bellingham. I’ve always liked American trains. At, thin as a twig, 21 I travelled From Boston to Florida ..Then on to St Louis, Chicago and back to NY on the train. They have much more room than British ones and have a dining car with stools – so you can pretend you are in rolling stock version of Fried Green Tomatoes At The Whistle Stop Cafe.

Actually, I met some interesting people on there…A lady who liked Brits and was writing about small American towns, a gang of Flordia women on the hunt, for what they called “Mr rich wale” ..Although young, I had thought for some years that essentially, for people like these, their Ferrari red lipstick smiles, tanned limbs and blonde hair were nothing more than hunting weaponry… The Prey thinks it’s entering a theme park BUT really is sliding into a prison cell.
I also met a homosexual chef who loved films and dashed out Quaaludes.
I did consider serial killers often dish out such barbiturates before waiting for you to pass out and sticking an axe in your back, having sex with your dying body and finally cutting off your little finger to have as a keepsake (how sweet).
Still, I didn’t want to be rude… I was also aware that the carriages were going to break up at the next stop … So I accepted his gift, then pretended to go to the restroom and switched to one of the breakaway carriages …

I’m not very good at gatherings of more than 4 people…So when I got to Krissy’s parents I spent some time in the garden with Krissy’s brother’s dog which has only been on the planet for one year and is already 100 lbs … Because she a pup, she’s still not really aware of her huge size, thus when she goes to cuddle you it’s like being taken down by Giant Haystacks.

Anyway, popping back for Christmas.

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