The gig had finished and after I went to a pub that is placed where Manchester dies and where Salford is born
The usual comments and songs were thrown at me and I sat down at the bar.
I ordered a pint and then went out for some air
While standing there three toughs gathered at pace and started throwing homophobic abuse my way.
I think it was about to get physical when the girlfriend of one of them came over and told them said “Get the fuck away from him, leave him alone you fucking divs”
I didn’t think much of her turn of phrase BUT I was thankful for her appearance .
The girlfriend and I then talked about books as we walked back in the pub (she liked beat writers)..
The landlord and two barmen then approached me to see if I wanted the prats kicked out , they had followed me back in ..
I said “No , Im not offended ..I don’t think I have the bedroom tastes they think I have ”
They laughed and said “Are you sure you don’t?”
Me “I think so ”
The landlord said ” WELL WE DO have the “Tastes” they think you have Duckie, and we aint fuckin having it ”
I thought to myself is it impossible for anyone to say a sentence in the North without a swearword being elbowed in? and said “Well you may as well take their money ..If they start causing trouble then kick them out”
They thought that was a good idea and said I didn’t have to pay for drinks all night ..
When the twits were leaving the girlfriend who stepped in earlier said “bye” and spoke to the guy drinking with me … Once she went he said “You know she thought I was your boyfriend”
(the landlord and barman over heard and laughed )
Me “BUT I told her I wasn’t ..you know..”
They all laughed and said at the same time “Nobody believes you ”
Me “What do you have to do around here walk around with spoken confessions of every bedroom partner you’ve ever had in your pocket to prove witch way you swing?”
Anyway , I left drunk as a Friday night pub wally and got lost trying to find my B&B in Salford … I spotted people in a car and went to ask directions .. They weren’t very happy as they were undercover fuzz watching a house ( I saw one of their badges )…It turns out they were of no use anyway as hadn’t heard of the street …
It was freezing and on I walked… Passed drunks laying in the road, passed couples making out in cars , passed what looked like a person breaking into a church and passed a woman beating up a man …
I saw a group of 20 somethings that were quite obviously junkies and thought I better risk it and see if they can help.. Otherwise I maybe found next to the garden wall of a council owned terraced house, frozen to death like Jack Nicholson in The Shinning ..
They were quite helpful even offering “A freebie” ( I declined)..Thanks to them I found my B&B within 10 minutes
I’ve never been to Salford since … However I liked it there .
“A restless city, alive and dying in the same breath..It’s the only place I can claim to know. A peculiar thing about Salford is it’s like a terrible drug..you might want to get away from it, but you can’t. So you stay.”